Coping with Labor...What NOT to do

There are all sorts of ways to approach labor. All sorts of settings in which to have your baby. While I most definitely may feel that there are optimal ways to approach birth, I am the first one to understand that where you are in each pregnancy is part of your own individual life story. I personally have given birth 8 times, 2 with epidurals and one with narcotics 5 completely natural, 1 was a stillbirth, 1 at home, 4 with a birth plan in the hospital. 1 with a licensed midwife, 3 with CNM's, 2 with OB's, 1 with a perinatologist. I have had L&D nurses who were lovely and one who I still hold a grudge against today. I had large episiotomies twice and 6 without a cut or tear.

Guess what? This is the experience of a woman who later became a homebirth midwife! I would not be who I am without that varied experience. I am not judging your plan to need pain relief or that you decided half-way through that you can't do it naturally. I understand and get it.

Now for the truth...you don't need pain relief.

Your body was created with a master plan to support your through labor. YOU and your pain tolerance or lack thereof is capable of having an ecstatic birth. It is better for you, safer for your baby, and will support your mothering in the days following birth.

Read Sarah Buckley for the technical details. Her book Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering is on my must read list for pregnant women.

How can you make sure that you set up an environment that will ensure a birth that you can cope with? Here are some tips:

• Don't become dependent on others, listen to your body's cues. If you feel like hanging upside down from a chin up bar in labor, GO FOR IT! (I hope someone does that while I am there)






• Listen to your body's cues (worth repeating)






• Eat a healthy diet, be in optimal shape. This reduces your risk for complications.






• Visit a chiropractor regularly during pregnancy, one who knows Webster is best






• Visit SpinningBabies.com and learn to be in tune with your baby's position. This is a neat thing to do while bonding with your baby and also helpful in preventing malpositions. This is not to say that a posterior baby should conjur up fear, it is just to say that babies generally like to come out in a certain way. Helping them with good body mechanics is a nice thing to do. The added benefit is that you will probably alliveate some of the aches and pains that surround pregnancy.






• Only invite people to your birth who are not afraid of birth and who fully support your decision to birth naturally. They should also be willing to leave the room when you need privacy. Party births only work for a handful of women. Birth in front of people who you would poop in front of.






• Hire a birth attendant who knows that YOU own your birth. Listen for cues like "we will let you" or "if you meet this requirement". Most women are very sensible about birth. They wouldn't put a baby or themselves in needless risk. This doesn't mean that you will agree about what is needless risk with your provider. They should have a level of respect for your beliefs. They may have reasonable requests, but it should be up for discussion if you feel differently.






• Make sure you have vocalized your wished before labor begins. Don't assume everyone understands.






• Don't allow others to place limitations or fear in your lap...even midwives or doctors.






• Ignore labor as long as you can. It is very tempting to get all excited over early labor. Call your midwife and check in, but try to go about your business. You don't want the pressure of people staring at you when it is still early. I like my clients to call when they need me, that means different things to different ladies. Don't wait to call because you are afraid of disturbing your midwife either. It is also okay to be wrong. Labor can be hard to judge, even for consumate professionals.






• Ignore the urge to push until it overtakes you. This will save you lots of energy. Nobody should be saying "your 10cm's; start pushing". It doesn't make your baby come faster and it may increase your risk of birth complications. Babies need time to rotate. When you feel as though you have no choice but to push because your body is already doing it, by all means go for it.






• Don't plan where you will give birth (e.g. in the water) that is NOT unhindered birth. Planning how your labor will go is a slippery slope. It leaves room for all kinds of dissapointment. Plan your postpartum babymoon instead. Plan for meals to come to the house, for helpers (family, postpartum doulas, friends) to clean and take care of your kids...that is much more helpful in the long run
  
  



• Don't idealize labor and birth...it is a very sexual, carnal, spiritual, and human process. It may not be camera worthy at all times...and that is perfectly okay. Have the candles, but don't be dissapointed if your baby is born on the staircase.



• Ease up on your partner. If male, he doesn't have a clue. I have seen some men support their wives as beautifully or better as any woman (some put me to shame)...but for the most part men are good rocks. They will stand by you and they will fix things. Not much to fix at birth, so be nice. They also generally don't want to read all the books and watch all the films. Be careful not to burn them out, wait until you have stumbled across gold before you ask them to read or watch. I love fathers at birth...but I feel it is unfair to ask a man to coach a woman in something that he really doesn't understand. I also really don't feel that anyone needs to coach a woman...so there you go.
  

So, to wrap up...YOU are expert in your own body. YOU are in charge at your birth. YOU will also be way to busy to police the actions of others, so don't invite those who you don't trust. Providers included. KNOW that you can do this. KNOW that you were created to do this. KNOW that any interference to the natural course of your labor will muck it up.

Can we overcome interventions and still have a good birth? YES! Can you bond with your baby if birth is not optimal? YES! That is another post...but come on. Lets shoot for the best and expect it. Best is not perfect. Just best.