Knowing what you don't know...

It comes up all the time in conversations about homebirth midwifery. The "what-ifs". "What if you have a complication?" "What if you need to transfer". Sometimes the answers are quite simple, like "No, a cord around the neck isn't automatically an emergency...it happens a lot in normal birth." Sometimes it is this hard to explain phenomenon of knowing what you don't know.

When you are blessed enough to witness women giving birth normally and get exposed to all the normal variations which occur in birth, you become quite comfortable with normal. The vast majority of homebirth midwives do not hesitate for a second to transfer someone who develops an obviously serious complication or who do not quickly resolve with a complication that is troubling. There is no desire to try to treat what is a medical issue at home...because we are not medical practitioners. We know our limitations and concede that when birth becomes a medical issue that a hospital is the best place for a woman to be.

Sometimes, knowing what you don't know comes up in other less obvious ways. A midwife may have a client who has social, emotional, or physical issues that the midwife may have no ability to understand. We may do our best to try to find a way to relate to this woman, but we may find that the best way to support her is to empathize without knowing. It is okay not to know what to say. It is okay to say "teach me".

I had a great compliment from the mother of a client recently. She thanked me for sharing a less than flattering fact about myself. She said that when she met me she had automatically put me on a pedestal because I was a midwife. She assumed I had to be practically perfect (my own Mary Poppins version of her words). She said that because I was willing to share my imperfections I suddenly became more human but no less special. I am not afraid to be human to my clients. I am not afraid to admit when I don't know. I am also not afraid to be off the pedestal and back down to servant status where I belong.

I realize that I don't know a LOT. When I know everything it will be time for me to retire...I have heard this and I believe it to be true. So, I keep on plugging.