A very personal poem

Mother

A decade ago I sat outside

I looked for beauty

I would find enough to justify little gifts from God

Hummingbirds who took the bait

Blue jays who played in the trees

 The place that I created; a little spot to hide the rest

Big enough that if you set your gaze just right

You could only see beautiful

Sometimes I sat and did nothing but find the beautiful

I would become filled with wonder

 That the woodpecker joined me for coffee

That the eagle circled overhead

I pretended that there wasn’t any darkness inside that door

Sometimes I was inspired enough to write things that nobody would read

To sing even when I was told to be quiet

I laughed and danced and loved

Sometimes, if I were really lucky, they joined me

I hugged and kissed them all

I wondered if they would ever know

How big my heart grew when I looked at them

How lucky I felt to have them

Its how I was able to go on

I was given these little gifts from God

Signs that it was all okay

Now, in the courtyard

There are only things that I have placed there

The little deer that belonged to grandma

The wind chime I bought as a token of freedom

I haven’t charmed the hummingbirds just yet

But, there is peace here

There is never a need to escape from what is inside the door

There is never a need to play the game of finding gifts from God

Now, when I am inspired I sing, write, or dance

I have no critics

They still lack an understanding of the way my heart grows when I look at them

They are not all here for me to hug and kiss

My heart aches for more, but rests in the knowledge that they have better now

There is no veil over the truth

Someday, if I am really lucky, they will all join me

And we will see the beautiful