Losing our intuition...

I have noticed a trend lately and it isn't a good one. It is one that masquerades as a beneficial and supportive. It appears to be the fruits of better access to information and support. However, it also breeds guilt, confusion, and worst of all: the loss of intuition.

New mothers are sitting ducks for "helpful" advice. Well-meaning friends, family, strangers, and professionals spew advice freely without any concept of how much the mother has already digested that day, let alone that week. These mothers are exhausted, worried, and confused. They digest all this information and even search for more. They post to groups online, they search for research, they read blogs, they very quickly become over saturated.

I am not one to always reminisce about the "good old days", but I have been helping women long enough to remember when having major breastfeeding issues was a rare event. I can't help but wonder if we are just retaining moms who would have given up earlier, or if we are creating problems in situations where women would have just "muddled through" and been fine. I want to be happy that we have so much help accessible for women, but I wonder if professionals are causing life for new mothers to be overcomplicated. I also wonder if professionals are just not taking into account how many other "professionals" may be involved in the care of this woman, not to mention how many friends, strangers, and websites that she may be consulting with to further confuse the issue. Soon, we find that this woman who is more dedicated than average, is no longer accessing commonsense or intuition, she is just following directions to the detriment of herself and her baby.

I don't have an answer. I do have a suggestion. When you are pregnant, and especially when you are postpartum, pick one source of information and remain in touch with your intuition. I often tell women, "pick the source of advice that best resonates with you and that will best fit the needs of you, your baby, and your family. Follow that advice, listen to your own gut, and then, after that, if you need more help, coordinate with both advisers to avoid confusion.

Mothers need to feel like they are the expert on their own baby. Providers should be careful to assist mothers and support them in feeling like they are, in fact, an expert and avoid creating a sense of dependence. Friends and strangers should remember that they do not have the complete picture when they open their mouths to give well meaning advice that may cause more confusion.

The longer I do this work, the less I say. This is not because I care any less. It is because I have realized that what I say means less than helping a mother find her own way.