The Baby Belongs to the Mother...

The other day, I held a baby. It was quite amazing. She was 6 months old and beautiful. She and her twin sister are crawling. Her mother was happy to let me hold her, in fact, she seemed to be relieved to have someone else hold her for a minute. As I held her, the thought occurred to me that despite being around mother's and babies quite a bit I rarely hold any for any longer than it takes to do a quick newborn exam or to take a picture. I love babies as much as the next gal, but I don't really believe that I have rights to babies. I love looking at them where they belong, in the arms of their mothers. Besides, I had my chance to hold seven of my babies all I wanted.

Among most midwives is the fundamental belief that to separate a mother and her newborn is to deny them the full benefits of maternal infant bonding. Even those pictures that I mention make me wince just a little...I love having that memory, but I don't want to send the message that the baby wasn't with its mother. In my work, I go to great lengths to avoid separation at all. In the first hours after birth I all but require that the baby stay with her mother. I don't cut the cord, don't do exams, don't suggest that Dad or Grandma hold the baby. The mother and baby require each other. At some point mom wants to get up and go to the bathroom or shower which presents the perfect opportunity to give baby to Dad. When she comes back, she wants to eat something...then the midwife can do the newborn exam (if desired). She can get a quick picture (better yet with mom and baby) and hand baby back off to mom who is done eating. It all works well and Mom is never without her baby for more than a brief period of time. She never has to ask for her baby back.

I have to confess that one little guy (currently on my facebook profile pic) made my heart skip a beat with his chubby little cheeks and sweet face. I held him just a hair longer than the other babies I have caught. I didn't mean to, I was tired and he was wonderful to look at. His mom didn't mind, but it goes to show that no matter how strong our convictions are, it can be easy to fall prey and forget why we are there...to help. The best help a mother can have is to have people around who can take care of everything while she holds her baby.