Missing My Connections.

All this week I have been hearing the unfolding news of the aggressive form of cancer called Merkel Cell Carcinoma that my mom's best friend (whom I refer to as Aunt Vicky) has just been diagnosed with.

Mom and Aunt Vicky have been friends since the 6th grade which means that I have known her my entire life. When I was younger, Aunt Vicky's daughter Kelly, only a month older than I, considered ourselves to be best friends. They did not always live close by, but their visits were a top priority for us.

In my current life, I am far away from my family and the friends I grew up with. I moved away from California 16 years ago and since then I have only seen Aunt Vicky a handful of times. The last time was 8 years ago.

The distance that I live in some ways has been a blessing for me. I avoid all kinds of family drama! However, the trade-off is huge. When I have lost family members I have had to make difficult choices and grieve without the comfort of being surrounded by those who share my grief. Our income being what it has been all these past years, that of a large family with a military paycheck, rounding up last minute plan tickets to attend the funeral of a beloved Aunt or Uncle is just not an option.

Today, I sit knowing that Aunt Vicky may only have a few months left. I sit fighting the urge to hop on the next plane to see her one last time. I struggle with the knowledge that if I do so I place my family at an economic disadvantage especially when I have several commitments in the next few months that will require me to travel. The choices are difficult. Some are just part of life, some seem part of life that should not be.